[Shin Densetsu]

THIS IS MY NEW UNOFFICIAL COLUMN.

TSWS!

You are here because you were naturally drawn to it. It was irresistible. Inescapable.

You walk into the store one day. TIME TO BUST OUT THESE HANDS FOR GRABBING SOME TOYS AMIRITEAMIRITE!!!!!????????!!!!!

Until you look closer. You cringe. Still, you look closer. And closer.

"What the hell is this? THEY MAKE THIS? NO ONE IS LOOKING AT IT ASIDE FROM ME AND I'M ONLY LOOKING AT THIS IN DISBELIEF!"

Yep. This s$% won't sell!

ON THE CURRENT AGENDA:

REAL TALK.

SHIN DENSETSU WALKS INTO STORE. SHIN PASSES BY BIKES. BIG BIKES. PONDERS GETTING A SANDWICH. UNDECIDED AT THE MOMENT. PASSES BY POWER RANGERS SAMURAI. JAPANESE VERSION IS BETTER.

THAT NEW BEN 10 VINYL ALIEN STUFF HAS AWESOME SCULPTS. WON"T BUY THEM.

WALK OUT OF WALMART EMPTY HANDED. "SHIT" HE SAYS TO HIMSELF. REALIZES MR. PIBB IS ONLY SOLD BY THE CASE. WTF. BACK TO AGENDA. GOES BACK. PASSES BY MARVEL UNIVERSE GIGANTIC ASS BATTLES. COOL FROST GIANT. NOT BUYING. LIKE A BOSS.

HEY LOOK IRON MAN 2...WOW THIS IS NOT SELLING. TOYS R US HAS TONS OF THE HOTTEST SELLING 6" IRON MAN 2 FIGURE OF LAST YEAR; WAR MACHINE. OVERPRICED. TIMES IZ TOUGH. TOYS R US PRICED IT TOO DAMN HIGH SON.

AH YES WHAT ARE THESE RED...SPIDERMAN. NO ONE IS BUYING THIS. I CAN KIND OF SEE WHY. YOU SQUEEZE THE LEGS HE TWIRLS HIS ARMS AND BAM DONE. WHY BUY WHEN ALL THE ACTION YOU GET IS RIGHT THERE JUST USING THAT "TRY ME" FUNCTION?

I RECEIVE SOMETHING. An epiphany. Maybe kids are more intelligent than we thought. Maybe they too, realize, when they are being conned. Big corporation thinks an unarticulated toy BASED SOLELY AROUND 1 EXTREMELY SIMPLE GIMMICK will sell bazillions to kids? Wrong. Kid wants 3DS more. Why? It does moar. I win.

Welcome to the 1st installment of TSWS. Next up? GREEN LANTERN MOVIE FIGURES. MY HIGHLY OBJECTIVE(pshhhhhhhh HAHAHHAHHA) REVIEW.