[Dr Kain]

We watched the 4K Turtles trilogy set this weekend. Outside of having seen the first one a few months ago when it was back in theaters, I have not watched II and III since the days of VHS. Well, I actually haven't watched III since 1994.

The first movie is even better than I remember. In fact, it's pretty damn great. It's quite accurate to the original Mirage comics in tone and style while mixing in elements from the 87 toon to give the turtles more personallity compared to the comic counterparts. The story is kind of beat for beat with the comics as far as the story arc revolving around Shredder is concerned even down to having a scene of April narrating a journal entry that is taking right out of an issue. Obviously there are a lot of changes, and the big showndown at the end of the film is reminiscent to the very first issue, but this is hands down one of the most faithful adaptations of a comic book ever. Even the lighting mimics the noir-like style Eastman and Laird used. I'm betting if you put this movie in B&W it would look natural. It also helps that it's well written, well acted, and the stunt work and effects are top tier quality. Fight choreography is solid and it's soundtrack is incredible. Now that is not to say the movie is always perfect, as it does have some aspects that haven't aged well such as April asking, "Am I late again on my Sony payments?" Nevertheless, I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at that joke and am just pleased overall with the entire product. As someone who recently read the Mirage run, it's superb.

And then there are the sequels. The first film is often compared to Burton's first Batman movie in bringing a grittiness to comic book movies. Unfortunately, it weems like they skipped over doing Batman Returns and went right to Batman Forever with Secret of the Ooze. The movie tosses out the seriousness of the first film and turns it into a live action Saturday morning cartoon. The turtles are goofier, the lighting is way too bright, like seriously, you need sunglasses to keeep your eyes from being burned, Raph and Mikey never once seem to use their signature weapons, and Shredder and Tatsu are a shadow of their former selves. They're weaker and dumber. I do like that they've taken the TCRI storyline out of the comics for the turtle's origins, or here, it's TGRI, but they failed to keep it accurate as the company is run by regular people and not Utroms. I think it would have been a really nice twist if they had Professor Perry reveal himself to be one right before the credits. Anyway, the fight scenes are a bore and Rahzar and Tokka do practically nothing. The Foot Clan runs into a crowded party to fight the turtles even though they're supposed to be a covert gang who sticks to the shadows. It's like they gave up by that point. Super Shredder does absolutely nothing either. Overall, it has some good ideas but rushed out a product instead of letting them cook.

Next up is obviously the Batman & Robin of the trilogy, Turtles III. Now I will give this movie credit as the opening sequence in the sunset is absolutely gorgeous and well shot. Easily the best thing about it followed by the soundtrack. In fact, the music for all three films is the strongest point of the trilogy as a whole. Anyway, and unfortunately, the rest feels half-assed at best. The Turtles are a step down from the prevous iterations as their heads just don't emote as much as they did before. No idea why. Splinter is the worst though. He looks dead inside the entire movie and only his mouth seems to move. And did they seriously need to change his voice actor? It was already bad enough Raph has changed in every movie, and Donatello was different in II, but now Splinter is different? WTF?! Casey is in this movie but serves absolutely no point whatsoever. I'm not even sure why they bothered. Once again they took an idea from the comics and did everything they could to make it not be their own. Instead of having Savanti trying to get the Time Sceptor, they made it some ancient Japanese relic and it is just some random nobody Daimyou and a generic white dude after it. Also, going back in time to Japan was a missed opportunity to show the origins of the Foot Clan or something. Clearly the turtles go back in time again based on the scroll that is flaunted about a few times, but nothing is every done with that plotline. The effects are bad, the acting is passeable at best at times, the one liners are just not all that funny for the most part, and the movie is so generic. Oh, and once again it's overlit. I don't think castles looked as if ithey had 400watt ceiling lights during that time period. Feel free to prove me wrong though. I think the worst effect is when generic McWhitey is blasted off the roof as if he were a member of Team Rocket. The chromakeyed scene of him "falling" into the ocean is horrid. He also seems to pop in and out of frame for a moment as he is hitting the waves. Anyway, no, this movie is not the worst thing ever, but it's a far cry from how the series started out.

While it was nice to revisit these movies after all this time, I can honestly say I'm good with only the first one and 35 years later it has still yet to be topped. Let's hope the next time they make a live action film they figure out what made that one work so well and go from there.